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I have a running food joke; it’s, “I love salad bars, because you can get all sorts of bad stuff and still pretend it’s good for you.” The reality here is that the one ingredient that’s truly not good for you nine times out of ten is dressing. The reason? Because most of the time we’re using commercial dressing. Just the other day, I urged y’all to read the ingredients on something as simple as a can of black beans. Reading the label on the vast majority of store bought bottled dressing is anything but simple.

You’re going to find stuff in 99% of the commercial dressing out there that you probably don’t want to eat, even if they say ‘Organic’, ‘Natural’, etc.; big agribusiness figured out that a lot of us like foods that are better for us these days, and they’ll do anything and everything to not lose our business, including trying to make themselves look like they’re onboard the healthy food train.

The main culprits in the You Don’t Wanna Eat That pantheon are the additives. Sure, the FDA says this stuff is safe in small quantities, but there’s a couple of problems with that. First off, the FDA has a serious track record of approving stuff that turned out to not be good for us, and secondly, even if they were safe, they might well be nutritional bad juju. Remember my piece on corn a while back, how we outlined varieties that aren’t used for eating straight away, but are used in a lot of processed foods? That choice isn’t made because of superior quality. Processed food is rife with substandard, cheap ingredients because making a profit is job one. The vast majority of commercial salad dressings contain way too much fat, sugar, high fructose corn syrup, salt/sodium, unhealthy oils, and way, way too many unpronounceable chemicals.

Reading the label prompted this harangue. M checked out a bottle of Famous Label Ranch: Let’s have a look at what she found. This is not gonna be an exciting post, but it’s important; what you’ll learn here will apply to the stuff in 90%+ of the processed food out there. If it scares you, that’s good.

First ingredient, (and therefore, the greatest percentage of the overall recipe), is profit, with a pinch of advertising, bottling, and production; that is, uber alles, what we’re buying, right?

Second ingredient, water. That’s the dominant note in actual ingredients. I’m not thrilled about paying $3 to $4 for water, and while we’re at it, I’d kinda like to know what water; from where, processed or filtered how? Hmmm…

Next comes soybean oil; got any of that in your pantry? No? Soybean oil is a highly refined, high heat processed fat. Soybeans don’t give up their oil easily. Far and away the most common extraction method is to employ the industrial solvent Hexane, a highly toxic petroleum byproduct. After being treated with hexane, the oil is heated enough to remove the toxin, or so they say. Next, the oil is treated with hydrogen, (hydrogenated), so that it will blend with water and not spoil quickly. Hydrogenated oils are synonymous with the term ‘Trans Fats’. Let’s just be perfectly clear that this process is done to save money and increase profit; it’s not good for us in any way, shape, or form. Trans fats increase bad cholesterol, (low-density lipoprotein, or LDL), and decrease good cholesterol, (high-density lipoprotein, or HDL). Furthermore, they block the production of chemicals that combat inflammation and benefit our hormonal and nervous systems, while simultaneously allowing chemicals to work that increase inflammation. Finally, soy is higher in phytoestrogens than just about any other food source. Phytoestrogens mimic estrogen in our bodies, and that propensity is known to be a leading cause of breast cancer, endometriosis, uterine fibroids, infertility, and low libido. In other words, we really aughta avoid this shit like the plague.

Next comes buttermilk, but again, who made it, from what source? Buttermilk is great, but it’s kinda back to the corn argument vis a vis quality, I think.

Next we have maltodextrin; this is a polysaccharide, an artificial sweetener manufactured by applying acids or other enzymes to cornstarch. Unlike simple, natural sweeteners, maltodextrin does not provide any long-term energy benefits that a natural complex carbohydrate will. Those contain vitamins and minerals that help your body use the carbs as energy; maltodextrin doesn’t. It’s also a very large molecule, so your body has to use up a chunk of its own supply of vitamins and minerals to assimilate it. The end result of eating this stuff is that it leads to depletion of important vitamins and minerals. There are also potential side effects to ingesting maltodextrin, including allergic reactions like rashes, asthma, itching and difficulty breathing.

Next two ingredients are sugar and salt, and again, I ask, what sugar and what salt and from where. Care to bet they’re not super high quality stuff?

Now we get to the rest of the things this dressing is made of, all of which are prefaced with ‘Less than 2% of’. Among the ingredients we’ll explore further, you’ll find reasonably good things like garlic, egg yolk, celery purée, carrot purée, dried onion, vinegar, onion purée, and corn oil. All of these could be good stuff for a dressing, but they’re here in tiny amounts and once again, we have no idea of the provenance or quality. Given we’re talking Big Agribiz, chances are very good that the quality sucks.

Onward; next we get ‘natural flavor (Soy)’. Sounds pretty harmless, right? No such luck. Manufacturers these days are acutely aware that a whole bunch of us don’t want Monosodium Glutamate, (MSG), in our food. Even if they say ‘No MSG’ on the label, they well may be lying to us flat out. Why? Because MSG is cheap, and very effective at adding umami taste, that mysterious savory note. Unfortunately, MSG just ain’t good for ya. Side effects can include burning sensations, weakness of the limbs, headaches, upset stomach, and hives or other allergic reactions. Ingredients labeled like the one we found here, as well as ‘yeast extract,’ or ‘hydrolyzed soy protein,’ are nothing more than MSG in disguise. And there’s another example of things the FDA lets manufacturers get away with that they maybe shouldn’t.

Next up on the rogue’s gallery, Modified Food Starch. This stuff is made by physically, enzymatically or chemically altering starch to extend its shelf life, and little else. The most common types of modified food starch are made from corn, wheat, potatoes, and tapioca. Half way decent labels will tell you what kind you’re about to eat, reading something like ‘Modified Corn Starch’. The kicker is that, unless it is derived from one of the top eight allergens as determined by the FDA, they don’t have to tell you from whence it came. You don’t need it or want it in your diet, and that’s a fact.

Next comes Soy Lecithin, which is incredibly pervasive in processed foods. It’s an emulsifier used to help blend disparate ingredients. In other words, it’s something used solely to keep things looking like they should for longer than we aughta be comfortable with. To make soy lecithin, soy oil is ‘degummed,’ mixed with water until the lecithin is hydrated and separates out. It’s then dried, and sometimes bleached with hydrogen peroxide. See above about soy, and ’nuff said.

Then we have Carrageenan. This stuff is an extract of seaweed, and the refining processes are not particularly nefarious, so this should be OK, right? Not necessarily. Although it’s allowed in almost everything over here in America, it’s restricted in the EU, due to possible health concerns regarding inflammation, gut irritation, and even cancer. It’s in here as a thickener, which I’ll point out, we wouldn’t need if they were making this stuff from real, wholesome ingredients.

On to Phosphoric Acid; got a bottle of that on your pantry shelf? It’s in this dressing to make stuff taste tangy, which real vinegar and buttermilk in proper proportion do just fine all on their own. Why is it here? Because it’s a ridiculously cheap, mass-produced chemical. It’s also commonly used for rust removal, by the way. Some Phosphorus is good for you, and fortunately, compounds containing it occur naturally at very low concentrations in milk, meat, poultry, fish, nuts, and egg yolks, (AKA, stuff you might add to real dressings if you were of a mind). Phosphoric acid, on the other hand, has been linked to lower bone density in some epidemiological studies. There are also studies that refute those claims, (Those ones were funded by PepsiCo, FYI…)

Next comes Artificial Flavor. That’s it, just ‘artificial flavor’. Neat, huh?

Next comes Disodium Phosphate, which is made by treating phosphoric acid with a sodium compound. It’s in our dressing here to enhance texture and increase shelf life, (Is that shelf life thing starting to sound like a broken record?) In addition to enhancing your dressing, it’s used in cleaning products, pesticides, and as a corrosion inhibitor.

And then we get Xanthan Gum. This fermented corn sugar polysaccharide sweetener gets its name from a strain of bacteria used during the fermentation process, Xanthomonas campestris, which happens to be the exact same bacteria that causes black rot on broccoli, cauliflower and leafy vegetables. The bacteria forms a slimy substance which acts as a natural stabilizer or thickener. Combined with corn sugar, you get a colorless goo used to increase viscosity and generate a quality known as ‘pseudoplasticity.’ That means that when the product is shaken, it will thin out, and then thicken back up after you stop shaking it.

Next we have it right there in black and white, Monosodium Glutamate; that makes a double dose.

Artificial Color is next, and again, that’s it, just ‘artificial color’.

Next, we get Disodium Inosinate, the first cousin of the Disodium Phosphate above. This junk is used to enhance the effect of MSG. It’s an artificial ingredients there to enhance another artificial ingredient.

Then we got the second cousin, Disodium Guanylate, a chemical additive that intensifies savory flavors. AKA, another artificial to enhance artificials.

Finally, we have Sorbic Acid, Potassium Sorbate, and Potassium Sodium EDTA, ‘as preservatives.’ Sorbic acid occur naturally in many plants, and is also made synthetically; the second ingredient is a salt of the first. Both of these are effective at inhibiting certain strains of yeasts and molds, but they’re not that effective against bacteria. The third member of this troika, Potassium Sodium EDTA, is another story. First off, it’s made from formaldehyde, sodium cyanide, and Ethylenediamine, none of which you should be thrilled about. Secondly, the EDTA part is short for Ethylenediaminetetraacetic acid, a chemical salt used to separate heavy metals from dyes and other industrial substances. Beyond that concern for human ingestion, EDTA breaks down in the environment into ethylenediamine triacetic acid and then diketopiperazine. Diketopiperazine is a persistent organic pollutant, similar to polychlorinated biphenyls (PCBs) and dichlorodiphenyl trichloroethane (DDT). Heard enough? Wait, there’s more… See, although your FDA has deemed this stuff safe, it has also put it on a priority list of food additives to be studied for mutagenic, teratogenic, and reproductive effects, AKA, the FDA wants to study it further to see if it is associated with birth defects, cancer or reproductive problems. This ingredient has potential side effects including cramps, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, headaches, low blood pressure, skin problems, and fever. Too much of it can do irreparable liver damage. There, now you’ve heard enough.

There you have it. For the record, ranch, cheesy, or creamy commercial dressings are generally the worst offenders when it comes to artificial ingredients, because all that crap is needed to keep something ranchy or creamy way longer than it should be. Don’t even get me started on the fat free or reduced fat stuff; those often have more artificial ingredients in them than the regular versions. Suffice it to note that those versions will not help your body absorb all the nutrients in a fresh salad at all, which natural fats can and will do. What about those dressings kept in the refrigerated section; are they better than their shelf-stable companions? Short answer, you gotta read the labels. Several of the most popular brands are made with soybean oil and still contain a bunch of artificial crap.

To be fair, there are artisanal and organic dressings out there made with good expeller-pressed vegetable oils like canola or sunflower. Expeller-pressed means those oils are mechanically derived instead of extracted via the use of nasty chemicals. The companies that use them usually make a point of putting it on the label, so, as with all things commercial, if it doesn’t say expeller pressed, it probably ain’t.

Granted, not all food additives are bad; salt, sugar, and other naturally derived substances have allowed us to preserve and store food safely for thousands of years. I suppose that some of the artificial stuff we’ve just outlined have a place, given the worldwide food distribution system and the need for folks to eat something when they have nothing; on an occasional basis, bad food is better than starving. I believe wholeheartedly that the majority of issues folks have with food intolerance is due to the ubiquity of all this crap in processed foods. The popular thing these days is to blame everything on gluten, and fact is, that’s probably bullshit. Less than 1% of us are actually gluten intolerant. It’s not the natural stuff, gang, it’s all this artificial crap, and you can take that to the bank.

The fact remains that the whole ‘Green Revolution’ we began foisting on the world back in the middle of the 20th century has been largely a catastrophic failure. Powered by fossil fuels and chemistry, increased yields have lead to large scale poisoning of the earth, us humans, and myriad other critters. The backlash against processed food and unsustainable agricultural practices is needed every bit as much in second and third world countries, where a lack of nutritional content can mean not just obesity, but life or death.

The answer is to take back control of our food. Buy with intelligence. Buy locally when you can. Always buy quality. Make and grow everything you can at home. Not only is this absolutely much better for you, it tastes, smells, looks and feels better. Add nutrients, flavor, and health benefits, instead of taking those things away. Here’s how.

Dressings are emulsions, an acid suspended in an oil with some herbs and spices. That utter simplicity is the beauty of a good dressing. As with all things good to eat, the fresher and higher the quality of your ingredients, the better the final product. Start with nothing more than great oil and vinegar, and you’ll have amazing dressing, guaranteed. Change the oils and vinegars, and you’ve got variety right there.

First off, the good oils. We’re looking for polyunsaturated and monounsaturated varieties, and there are a good few out there. Canola, sunflower, safflower, and walnut oils are all polyunsaturated. Olive and peanut, (yes, peanut, my fave frying oil), are monounsaturated. Olive oil all by itself offers a wide variety of flavor profiles; you can and should spend years just exploring those. Use the canola, safflower, or sunflower for dressings when you want other flavors to speak louder than the oil. Opt for good extra virgin olive oil when that flavor note will contribute to the finished dressing. Naturally, you don’t want to use a highly flavored, pricy finishing oil in a complex dressing recipe.

Next, comes vinegar, and there are once again a myriad of varieties and infused options to try. And of course you can and should make your own, too. Among the common varieties you’ll find, distilled white vinegar has a sharp flavor profile that goes nicely with delicate herbs and spices. Cider vinegar has a sweet tang that compliments fruit and vegetables with a sweet note of their own. Red Wine vinegar is a bit heartier and blends well with vegetables. Malt vinegar is one of my faves, with a great balance of tang and sweet. Rice vinegar is a lighter, more delicate taste if you prefer things a bit less zippy. Balsamic vinegar is a world unto itself, enough for a future post, in fact; its richness and depth prompts me to say that you really don’t want to mix it with much more than good oil and a little salt and pepper. For daily use, a moderately priced balsamic will do just fine.

By the way, there are plenty of other acids to use for house made dressings. Citrus is a great alternative, so try lemon, Meyer lemon, lime, orange, blood orange, as well as pink and white grapefruit. Other tangy fruits with a dominant acidic note will work as well. Mango is one of my favorites, but tomato, tomatillo, kiwi, strawberry and blackberry are also stellar. Squeeze and strain citrus, or purée and strain the others to use them as a dressing base with your favorite oil. With flavorful options like these, you may find yourself not wanting to add much of anything else.

Likewise, you can use booze or tangy dairy in place of vinegar. The inherent smoky wood and sugar notes of bourbon, or the sweet tang of rum make fabulous dressings. You can use booze straight away, or do a quick flambé to flash off the alcohol and concentrate the flavors. And frankly, there’s nothing like a creamy version made with fresh, local yoghurt, or genuine homemade buttermilk ranch. Contrary to popular belief and its name, buttermilk has less fat and is lower in calories than whole milk. The natural tang comes from lactic acid produced during fermentation. The curdling process also makes buttermilk thicker than milk, which is perfect for dressing.

Adding fresh herbs and spices yields yet more variety, as well as providing a little shot of nutrients and antioxidants with virtually no calories. Try what you like, and then branch out; sage, rosemary, marjoram, parsley, thyme, cilantro, and so on. Here again, think of the varieties of just one of these you can grow, like thyme or basil; each of those will give a totally unique finished dressing.

Don’t miss out on fresh veggies in your dressing either. Garlic, shallot, sweet onion, green onion, cilantro, parsley, lemongrass, peppers, chiles, even puréed root vegetables will make spectacular dressing. Like beets? Try my vinaigrette made with ’em.

Finally, dressings are a perfect showcase for all those varietal and smoked salts and peppers I’ve been yammering at you about. In a small batch of fresh dressing, just changing these will be a whole new ball game as well.

Here are a few suggestions to get you started. With all of these versions, it’s best to blend with a fork or a whisk and then let the finished product sit for 30 minutes or longer to allow flavors to develop and marry. These are scaled for two to four folks to enjoy fresh, which for my mind is the way dressing aughta be done; if the volumes seem small, that’s because they are. Dressing should compliment the flavors of a salad, not drown ’em.

 

Dijon Vinaigrette
3 Tablespoons Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 Tablespoon Vinegar
1 teaspoon Dijon Mustard
Pinch of Sea Salt
Variant: Add 1/2 teaspoon of good local honey or agave nectar.

 

Citrus Vinaigrette
3 Tablespoons Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Juice and zest of 1-2 fresh navel Oranges
Juice and zest of 1 fresh small Lime
Pinch of Sea Salt
A few twists of fresh ground Pepper
Variant: sub Meyer Lemon for oranges, add 1 teaspoon local honey or agave nectar.

 

Balsamic Vinaigrette
3 Tablespoons Extra Virgin Olive Oil
2 Tablespoons Balsamic Vinegar
Pinch of Sea Salt
A few twists of fresh ground Pepper

 

Creamy Vinaigrette
1/2 Cup plain Greek Yoghurt
3-4 Tablespoons Sunflower Oil
Juice and zest of 1 small Lemon
1/2 teaspoon dried Dill
Pinch of Sea Salt
A few twists of fresh ground Pepper
Variant: Add 1 teaspoon Poppy Seed

 

Mediterranean Vinaigrette
4 Tablespoons Extra Virgin Olive Oil
2 Tablespoons Red Wine Vinegar
1 Tablespoon Tomato Purée
1 teaspoon fresh squeezed Lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon granulated Garlic
1/4 teaspoon dried Basil
Pinch of Sea Salt
A few twists of fresh ground Pepper
Variants: Add chopped capers, or sun dried tomatoes.

 

Smoky Vinaigrette
3 Tablespoons Canola Oil
1 Tablespoon Malt Vinegar
1 Tablespoon minced Sweet Onion
1 teaspoon local Honey
1/2 teaspoon Sweet Smoked Paprika
Pinch Alderwood Smoked Salt
A few twists of Smoked Pepper

 

Garlic Vinaigrette
3 Tablespoons Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 Tablespoon White Vinegar
1 Tablespoon freshly squeezed Lemon juice
2-3 cloves freshly pressed Garlic
1/2 teaspoon BasPinch of Sea Salt
A few twists of fresh ground Pepper
Variant: Add 1 Tablespoon Tomato purée.

 

Veggie Vinaigrette (For marinating or sautéing veggies)
Juice and zest of 1 large or 2 small Lemons
1/4 Cup canola Oil
1 Tablespoon Malt Vinegar
1 Tablespoon minced Sweet Onion
1 clove minced Garlic
1/2 teaspoon Sweet Paprika
1/4 teaspoon Sea Salt
A few twists fresh ground Pepper

Blend all and refrigerate for at least an hour prior to marinating or sautéing. Really nice over hot vegetables like broccoli, asparagus, or green beans.

 

Raspberry Vinaigrette
4 Tablespoons Extra Virgin Olive Oil
2 Tablespoons puréed fresh Raspberries
2 Tablespoons Balsamic Vinegar
1 teaspoon fresh squeezed Orange Juice
1/2 teaspoon Agave Nectar
Pinch of Sea Salt
A few twists of fresh ground Pepper
Variants: Sub blackberries for raspberries, lime juice for lemon. Sub blueberries and orange juice.

 

Beet Vinaigrette
1/2 Cup Beet Purée
1 Tablespoon Balsamic Vinegar
3 Tablespoons Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1/2 teaspoon creamed Horseradish
1-2 drops Vanilla extract
Pinch of Sea Salt
A few twists of fresh ground Pepper
Variants: try any of your favorite roots veggies in place of the beets.
Add 2 Tablespoons of buttermilk for a creamy dressing.

 

Honey Mustard
1/2 Cup plain Greek Yoghurt
3-4 Tablespoons Safflower Oil
1-2 teaspoons dried Mustard
1 Tablespoon local Honey
Pinch of Sea Salt
A few twists of fresh ground Pepper

 

Buttermilk Ranch
1/2 Cup fresh Buttermilk
2 Tablespoons Crema (creme fraîche or sour cream is OK too)
1 Tablespoon Mayonnaise
1 teaspoon minced Celery Leaf
1 clove freshly pressed Garlic
1/2 teaspoon Dijon Mustard
1/2 teaspoon Malt Vinegar
Pinch of Sea Salt
A few twists of fresh ground Pepper
Shot or two Tabasco Sauce

Whisk all like you were making whipped cream. Refrigerate in glass with an airtight lid for at least an hour and up to overnight before serving; like great potato salad, it’s actually better the next day.

 

Bourbon Vinaigrette
4 Tablespoons Sunflower Oil
1 tablespoon Bourbon
1 Tablespoon Cider Vinegar
1 teaspoon real Maple Syrup
Pinch of Sea Salt
A few twists of fresh ground Pepper
Variant: Add 1/4 cup plain Greek Yoghurt for a creamy alternative.

 

Buttermilk Rum Dressing
4 Tablespoons Safflower Oil
1 Tablespoon Dark Rum
1 Tablespoon Malt Vinegar
1 teaspoon fresh squeezed Lime juice
4-5 sprigs minced Cilantro
1 clove fresh pressed Garlic
1/4 teaspoon Habanero Chile Sauce
Pinch of Sea Salt
A few twists of fresh ground Pepper